A Husband Of A Military Wife, 4/12/14, West Chester, Ohio

A couple of days ago I posted about military spouses and now I want to comment on being a military husband of one of those wives. My wife, Jan was one of those wonderful military wives who followed her man all over the United States and to Japan a couple of times. Yes we lived in a number of apartments, government quarters only once and owned our own home three times. I will limit my comments for the most part to our first few years of active duty. I graduated from college the spring of 1955, received my commission as a Second Lieutenant in the U. S. Air Force and a short time later I  received orders to report for active duty and in October 1955 I left Arkansas by train to go to Sheep's Head  Bay Air Force Station, Brooklyn, New York to report on active duty. So what is so unusual about that. Well, our second daughter, Joyce , was born just 7 days before I left. I left Jan and our two babies to live with my parents. After processing in, I flew to Goose Bay Air Base in Labrador. After a year there I returned to the United States for assignment to Bolling Air Force Base, Washington, D. C.  After landing at McGuire AFB, New Jersey I came first to Washington, D.C. and found an apartment for us then flew to Arkansas for vacation and pick up Jan and the kids for the trip back to D. C.  The apartment complex was known as Glass Manor and was just over the state line in Maryland. Introduction to being a military wife started by being apart from me for an entire year then moving to D. C. to an apartment selected by me. Apartment were scarce and expensive and you had to be careful about the area you selected to live in because many of the areas were high crime areas and the safety of my family was top priority for me. It was a 2 bedroom unit totally furnished. About all we had was a few dishes and silverware, book case a few toys and our clothes. As a junior Lieutenant  we were really scraping the bottom of the barrel to survive. Jan had to use the one community laundry room which each building had. As I recall there were roughly 24 apartments in each building so the use of  the laundry facility was heavy and the equipment few in number. That is no different from thousands of other enlisted  personnel and junior officers who were all struggling to make ends meet. We did not live on the ground floor so there was the carrying the laundry up and down the stairs plus baby Joyce with Janice walking the roughly 50 yards to the laundry room. You say that doesn't sound so bad. Well it would not be if that was just one trip but the routine was this. You go to the laundry room and put your laundry in a washing machine ( if one was available ) them back to the apartment,  A little later back to the laundry room to put another load in the washing machine. Then put the washed cloths in a machine called an " extractor " which spun additional water out of the cloths and then put them in the dryer. If you did not use the extractor it would take 2 times in the dryer to get the clothing dry. Back to the apartment. Wait awhile and back to the laundry room. So when you talk about laundry day that was certainly true because it took just about the entire day. And, oh by the way all the machines in the laundry room were coin operated so there was always a made scramble to have the necessary change. It was prohibited to have your own laundry equipment in your apartment. A few people were evicted because they had portable washing machines that through some mishap had a major water spill and caused a lot of damage. Then of course there was the occasional apartment dweller who did not think it wrong to take your stuff out of a machine while it was running and put their stuff in. On the rare weekend when I could I would stay in the laundry room to catch the person who did that.Their excuse was always the same I was in a hurry and I did not think you would mind. Between trips to the laundry room Jan is busy taking care of the apartment and the two girls. Joyce being just a year old and required a lot of attention. Perhaps Jan can lie down and rest a few minutes when the girls took their naps. Some where in the after noon Jan has to start getting the evening meal. Also by the way we only had the one car so Jan was stuck. In my duty I never wore the military uniform always a business suit, white shirt and tie meaning more washing and ironing for Jan as we hardly had any extra money for using a commercial laundry. That was one of the remarkable things about Jan she always made do with what she had and where ever we were she made that a loving home for the girls and I. 

Jan In 1956 In The Play Ground Of Our Apartment Complex Called Glass Manor One Of The Many Apartment Building Is In The Background.

I Know I Said I Was Going To Limit My Comments To The First Few Years Of Active Duty

But I Just Have To Show You This " Paddy " House We Had Built In Northern Japan That

Jan Made Home For Us.

For the first few months I was working a regular 8 to 5 schedule while I waited assignment to the Air Force Office Of Special Investigations Basic School so I was able to help Jan a lot with the laundry. After I graduated from school I continued a regular office hour schedule working in the Personnel Security Investigations Division but that did not last long because I was selected to work in the Criminal Investigations Division and the days of regular hours were over. Many hours of overtime were required. It seemed that crime does not follow normal working hours. Lack of money was getting to be a problem and we did not want to go into debt. Jan just tightened the belt more and made ends meet. We realized, as the rent started going up, that a part time job was going to be needed and we desperately wanted to get our own furniture and move to a first floor apartment. We were on the waiting list to get a first floor apartment. Jan was most willing to find a job but I was really against that idea because I felt, as did she, that she needed to be home with the kids. Those early years in the care of a loving mother are so much better for the child. Just down the hill and across the street was a medium sized shopping center and I found a job selling children's shoes. I had no experience in selling shoes of any kind but the owner took a chance on me and it worked out. In retrospect I realized that because of my background and current work she could trust me and in retail that was priority number 1. Also it helped because we got a good discount on the girls shoes. We did not sell any adult shoes. In addition to normal shoes we sold prescription shoes and would fulfill orders from doctors who wanted certain  wedges or lifts put into the shoes. I worked 6 - 9  P. M. most Monday through Friday and 9 A. M. to 9 P. M.on Saturday. This of course eased our financial bind but it just added to the workload on Jan.  We were fortunate to find a USAF Sergeant whose work normally required his assignment overseas. He had just returned and had been scheduled for two or three years of stateside duty. He bought  complete furnishings for a 2 bedroom apartment when the Air Force suddenly needed him back overseas. I learned of this and met him to buy all his furniture for $300.00. I did not have that much money so I went to the on base bank and borrowed the money which was the first time we ever borrowed money. Now we had nearly new complete furnishing for a 2 bedroom apartment which brought our rent down just about enough to make the payment on the borrowed money. We were grateful for these event but at the same time sad for him because he practically gave the furniture away because he had to get rid of it in such a short time. Eventually we did get to move to a first floor apartment just below ours. That was helpful. As I said, long hours at the office were getting very bad. This was compounded by the fact that I was selected as one of only three Special Agent who were the ones that the Morals and Vice Squad of the Washington, D. C. Police would talk to and would  release arrested Air Force personnel to. These officers were all undercover and were very particular who knew them and who they met with. And this is where the rub came in because the police would pick up one of our Air Force guys in the middle of the night and two of us would have to go into town and take custody of them and this would generally be about midnight. We generally would work the rest of the night because what we had to do could not wait until normal working hours and be back at the office for regular office hours to brief the boss and then the various commanders. Literally there would be many, many days in a row when I would not see the girls awake. This was extremely hard on Jan. She never complained she just accepted it as part of the deal of being a military wife and as you might suspect somewhere along the line she became pregnant with our third daughter. I was working so many hours that even in the night when one of the girls would wake up needing something Jan jumped up to take care of it so I could sleep. I would beg her to wake me so I could help but she never did always saying you need your rest.

I said in my posting about the military spouse that I resonated with so many things that were said so let me explain that. When we first got to D. C. of course we started shopping at the base commissary and base exchange because the prices were much lower than the regular grocery stores and shops. This immediately became a problem because the commissary did not allow children inside ( except for perhaps a baby in your arms ) so this meant they had to go into the child care area which was provided by the base. Strollers were not permitted as the commissary was small and very cramped for space. That is all well and good except for the fact that our girls would not accept it. They would literally cry until they made themselves physically sick and we would be called to see about the girls. So what to do. The decision was Jan would stay home with the girls and give me a shopping list and send me off to pick up the things she wanted. Jan was not comfortable driving in the heavy D.C. traffic.That was like a bull in a china shop. I can remember standing in front of shelves full of merchandise trying to find what Jan wanted and trying to see it right in front of my face.  I know just like the old man in my earlier posting there were many women who became very frustrated with me being in the way and saying " men don't belong in the commissary " and by their actions and looks they let you know it to the extent I was hesitant to ask where I might find a particular product. I need to tell you that back in the 1950 time period the standard product both Jan and I were use to using were not available on the east coast and in fact had never been heard of. I remember having heated discussion with stocking personnel about certain products not being available then going home without what Jan wanted and trying to explain to her they had never heard of that item. On occasion we would go to a regular grocery store and sure enough they did not have it and never heard of it. Let me give you just a couple of examples of things we grew up using and literally taking for granted. Jan " had " to have faultless starch in a spray can to use when she ironed. No other would do because the shirts, girls dresses, etc.she ironed did not come out like she wanted them to look. She wanted the girls and  her man to look just right. Unfortunately she was working on an uphill battle in that regard as far as I was concerned but I appreciated it and the shirts were perfect. You see this was important because I, along with the other Special Agents, were in constant contact with the public and officials at all levels and our organization randomly sent letter out to people we contacted to check on other things as well as our appearance. One letter coming back with a negative comment about grooming or dress meant you were in for a face to face discussion with the commander and that could have a negative impact on your career. For example we were forbidden to wear anything other than a white shirt. Not off white but white. We grew up drinking a lot of ice tea. Now this is brewed tea not any kind of instant. My family and Jan's family and everyone we knew drank a lot of ice tea and to a pitcher of tea we added one bottle of " Royal Crown Cola " not " Coke " but  RC Cola. Guess what they never heard of it on the east coast. I doubt that any of you reading this ever heard of it putting RC Cola in ice tea either. We thought that ice tea without RC Cola was not fit to drink so I think Jan started us drinking water and milk. But, Jan made do with what she had. As for me, in Arkansas I was a Phillip 66 gasoline man. They never heard of it on the east cost and I had to find another brand that I trusted. Jan use to tease me about my fussing about not having Phillip 66 gasoline and I would remind her of how good starches other than Faultless were. End of the discussion and both of us agreeing that we are just going to have to learn to live without our many customary products. I know it must have been frustrating for Jan because I did not have the ability to read the labels and find a product that would substitute for what she wanted. She never complained but accepted my efforts. Oh how blessed I was to have had Jan as the person to take care of me.

I uprooted Jan from her friendly/family oriented environment and moved her across the country to a place neither of us had ever been and did not know a person there. There were no family to call on to help when help was needed. There were no relatives to help when a new baby came along or to even visit and see the baby. There were no teenager in the apartment complex who we could get to baby sit so we might enjoy a dinner out of the house if we could afford one. Going to a movie was a distant memory. Every one was just like us with a house full of small children and babies. Fortunately there was a McDonald's just outside Glass Manor and that was usually our night out and a place to go Sunday morning after church. I won't say D. C. is an unfriendly place but it is a place where it is hard to make friends. Mainly because it is such a transient place. No one stays in place long enough to make fiends. When ever we had a free Sunday we tried to visit all the historical places in the D. C., Virginia and Maryland area. I wanted to expose the girls to those things although in looking back on that they were to young to recall most of it if you asked them about it today. But, my main objective was to get Jan out side of the four walls of the apartment for some free time although I know there may have been times she would rather have stayed home and relaxed but she wanted to be with me and help in doing things I thought were important.. 

So to have been the husband of a military spouse was the greatest blessing and I thank God daily for permitting me to have had Jan as my partner to look after and take care of me and she did. To finish this I know it sounds like it is about me and it is because their is no way to describe Jan's love and care of her family without making it personal. Just like the old man in my previous post who just wanted to smell his wife again. I can relate to that to this day. Jan always used a particular body powder which she loved. I always had one present for sure to get her and that was her favorite powder. After she passed away I kept certain things which still had the odor of this powder because I wanted to smell her. They have now lost that odor and have been disposed of. I still, on occasion will be in church or shopping and a lady will pass by who has used that same powder and the smell just overwhelms we with wonderful memories of my military spouse and just typing this brings a few tears to my eyes. Thank you Jan.

COMMENT: This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you. 
John: 15: 12.

Remember that God loves you and so do I.

Grandpa Bill